Not One But TWO Pink Lines

Ever wonder to yourself "What is it like being pregnant with triplets?"(men...don't feel like you have to answer that question). I never once had that thought cross my mind. Seriously. When Paul and I decided that we would start trying to have children in 2007, my mind and heart was only thinking about having ONE baby...at a time. My outlook on having multiples (twins) was that the Lord was robbing me of the experience of being pregnant more than once. Throughout our journey, my once stone cold heart towards multiples slowly turned to mush and was more accepting of the idea of multiples (twins). But why...

I thought I would write a few entries about our exciting journey from the women's perspective (That being me - Kristin).

Looking back I thought I had my whole life planned out (well only up until I had children). I would pray daily that I would get married at the age of 22 and have my first baby at the age of 25 (I wanted to be a young mom and have all my children by the time I was 30). I thought my plan was going well when I married the man of my dreams and prayers in 2005. On a side note, I have to say the Lord definitely knows how to choose them when you let Him. I couldn't have choosen a greater husband and best friend!

My plan was moving right along schedule. Paul came home from work one day, after one of his co-workers came in with her new baby boy, he said "I think I'm ready to be a daddy". Perfect, if we started trying now I was certain we would have our first child by the time I was 25. We had planned a lovely vacation in Cuba at an all inclusive resort as kind of our last horrah with just the two of us before we started have children.

At the start of our journey, I never thought that it would be difficult to get pregnant. Always, in the back of my mind, I thought it would be fairly easy. I come from a big family with lots of kids, cousins, grandkids etc and I've always had a longing deep within to have children and to be a Mom. I never heard anyone talk about the difficulties of getting pregnant just how easy it was for them. Part of my daily prayer would be "Lord, I only want children in your timing as your timing is perfect." and "I will praise you regardless of the pregnancy test results".

The first few months resulted in negative pregnancy tests. I was a little discouraged however I continued to praise the Lord and thought, of course it could take a few months...My body needs to adjust. Around this time most of our friends told us that they were trying to get pregnant as well. Wonderful, we would have children around the same time.

As the months passed, one by one ALL of our friends (and I mean ALL of our friends) started telling us that they were pregnant. Everytime one of our friends invited us to come over for dinner or dessert, I knew exactly what they were going to say "We're having a baby". I was devastated and heart broken everytime I heard those words. I would smile and truly be excited for them, but when I got home and was alone behind closed doors (even though Paul could hear me), the tears would come and I remember asking "When is it going to be my turn?".

As the months continued to pass, our friends were having their babies and my at home pregnancy tests continued to show me only ONE solid line (indicating "Not Pregnant"), through tearful praises to the Lord, I slowly realized that it isn't about MY plan for MY life, but the LORD's plan that HE has laid out for ME. That is the plan I want in my life. HIS timing and plans are PERFECT, even if that meant that we would never have children. Don't get me wrong, this was a hard truth that took me a long time to not only accept but to understand which didn't come overnight. I gradually became content in knowing that the Lord blesses some couples with children as well as without children. Both are of equal blessing from above.

Paul and I were enjoying our days together in our quite home with our little dog Gus, times when we could just pick up and leave for the weekend and the times we spent with our friends and their children. Alright who's kidding who...we also enjoyed coming home from those times spent with our friends and their children to a home with no children, just relaxation. Throughout these times (now one year of being infertile) we decided to go through some testing to see why we couldn't get pregnant. Curiosity always gets the better or you! After all the preliminary testing and obgyn visits, the main conclusion was I don't ovulate on a regular basis, therefore making the chance of getting pregnant slim to none. They discussed our options being 1) Lose weight and see where that takes us as sometimes weight gain could impact ovulation or 2) Clomid - for those of you who don't know what Clomid is all about, it is a commonly used fertility drug that helps with ovulation by giving your ovaries a little kick start. I thought to myself "I'm in no rush and content with where we are at, so lets try and lose some weight."

6 months after making that decision (now two years of being infertile) we had another obgyn visit. I had lost 10 pounds...Yipee but I wasn't pregnant which was fine. The next step was Clomid. The obgyn had informed me that by taking clomid it could increase the possibility of having multiples (more so twins than anything else) however because of my situation, the possibilty of multiples was slim. Still I felt it necessary to discuss with Paul the pro's/con's of taking clomid. Those that we spoke to who had taken clomid or knew of people who had taken clomid to help them conceive only had one baby. We felt it was pretty safe and decided to go that route.

The obgyn started me with the smallest dose and after the second month of being on this pill I saw for the first time not one, but TWO pink lines on a pregnancy test. Paul and I were going to have a baby...